The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
