He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
