i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
