Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
