I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
