I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
