She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize