Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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