Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
