i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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