it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
