I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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