I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fuck appropriateness.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
