we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
