there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
