If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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