Princesses don't give blow jobs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
