I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
