New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
