dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
