i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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