Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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