im drinking this country out of the recession.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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