so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
