Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
