my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My ass is underappreciated
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
