hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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