Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize