What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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