people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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