My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
