Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
