In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Your dad touched me again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
