can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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