I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
