the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
