Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
