I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
