There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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