The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
