I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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