he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i drank out of a bidet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
