i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
