I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize