This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
