Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
