Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Actions speak louder than pants.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize