I'm going to jail i love you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How naked do you want me to be?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
