Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
