i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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