Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
