I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
