So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
