Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
