He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
