i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
