You can't motorboat a personality
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
