I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
