I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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