I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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