I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
