Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
