Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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