I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
