Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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