he wants to bone in the snuggie
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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