I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
