also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
