Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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