I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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