yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
