why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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