And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize