K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
