Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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